Self-Care for Extroverts
People who identify as extroverts instinctively look outside themselves to find relief when distressed. Taking action feels right to them, and they have found that doing something – anything really – makes them feel better instantly. Now, there are three things to keep in mind that extroverts tend to do when they are upset and dysregulated, they are:
They exaggerate the situation and their reactions to it;
They project blame;
and they threaten drastic action.
Please note that not all extroverts may align with these but what is important to note and remember is not to take wildly exaggerated things that the extrovert says in a moment of anger or hurt seriously. It is also vital to understand that extroverts' magnified reactions are emotional attempts to seek connection when they are distressed; they need to blame until they calm down enough to see things differently.
More importantly, what we need to know is how to help an extrovert. The key is that the greatest comfort you can offer extroverts is intense and deeply involved interaction. Give them sympathetic comments and listen past the bluster and blame to get to the fear underneath. Make authentic exaggerated empathetic responses, reflecting their emotional distress fully. Reflect and accept their distress unconditionally so that they may let go and calm down.
Better yet, helping an extrovert prevent dysregulation and irritation is also essential. There are many ways to practice self-care, and the following are some suggestions explicitly tailored for Moms or any extroverted parent!
Plan and Budget for Social Activities that Will Help You Recharge
Need a night or day out with friends? Interested in taking a class? Want to attend a family or class reunion? Make a list of upcoming opportunities or possibilities and get them on the family calendar and in the family budget. Think of yourself as your family’s employee that you need to pay with time off from responsibilities and a bit of blow money on a regular basis. Even if money is tight, find creative, low-cost ways to engage with others in ways that are meaningful to you. One of my favorite ways my friends make this happen is by hosting potlucks and pooling funds for babysitters to help with the kids so we can enjoy a couple of hours of adult conversation with minimal interruptions. Also, Pinterest is an excellent resource for cheap or free date night ideas to reconnect with your spouse.
Reframe Commitments as Care
For several years I sang in the church choir. I thought I was using my gift of singing to serve the church, but in the past year, I realized how much I relied on it for self-care. Going to choir rehearsal was the one time a week that I was not responsible for my kids, got to see friends, and enjoyed group music making. It was self-care gold! Maybe as a SAHM, you have committed to a MOPs group, a homeschool co-op, or volunteered as a room mom for your kid’s class. Those are all opportunities to get out in the community, make and connect with friends, and help others while recharging your batteries.
Pick Up The Phone
Parents, in particular, feel the weight of “screen-shaming” – both for letting their kids engage with devices and using our own. You know what? I am not too concerned about using my phone for group texting, Facebook, reading blogs, listening to podcasts, or calling my mom, and here is why: I remember my mom reading magazines at the table. At the same time, while we ate lunch, she was down the hall with the door almost shut so she could converse with a friend or her mom. My mom needed those outlets in her day. Of course, she spent time reading to us, taking us places, and keeping up with cooking, cleaning, and laundry, but she also found time to do things for herself, making her a happier mom. So, if you are an extrovert needing to text or call a friend to vent, laugh, or chat to get you through a long day at home, pick up the phone!
Finally, think about self-care as your deposits to your emotional bank account. How many times has it been withdrawn? Is your account empty or perhaps has a negative balance with accrued interest? If so, it’s time to deposit some self-care!
Resources
Gibson, L.C. (2021). Self-Care for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: Honor Your Emotions, Nurture Yourself, and Live with Confidence. New Harbinger Publications.
