On Becoming a New Father
Some men become Dads intentionally, having made an active decision to become a father and taking whatever steps are necessary to get there. For others, it is more of a surprise or even a shock. You may need more time to feel ready for Fatherhood once you discover it will happen. The important thing is to try not to worry too much. Many men feel that way but end up surprising themselves regarding how well they adjust. You will learn primarily by finding your way and trusting your instincts – which are probably better than you realize. No parent is perfect. We all make mistakes. However, one of the first lessons you will learn as a Dad is that nature has built you for this. Men are designed for Fatherhood, just like women are for motherhood. Dads can be as sensitive to a baby's cries as mothers are. Dads recognize their babies within hours of birth by touching their hands, even when blindfolded. The bond with their children can be as strong as iron – even if children do not share the same genes or live in the home full-time! You got this.
Getting Ready
However excited you are about becoming a father, you may feel unprepared in many ways. You might feel that you need more time to be ready financially. Maybe you have been enjoying a carefree life, and this has come too soon. You may feel that taking responsibility for a tiny human being restricts you or ties you down. You may not feel ready emotionally. You may not be sure about your relationship with your child's mother and have difficulties with others. You may have difficulties with other people in your family. As men, becoming a father often makes us think about our relationships with our fathers as we compare how we might want to parent. All of these are natural fears, concerns and thoughts. Thousands of men have felt the same when becoming fathers: you are not alone!
Feeling Different
Remember, no two Dads are the same. They come in all shapes and sizes. Some of them have a biological relationship with their child, and some of them do not. Some of them have biological AND non-biological children. Some of them adopt children; some of them foster. Some become Dads within Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, and Questioning (LGBTQ) families. Some are their children's only fathers, and some are not. Fathers are also diverse in other ways: culturally and ethnically; in terms of age; the jobs they do; their sexual and gender identities; and whether they are in romantic relationships with their children's mothers. They may live with their children full-time or part-time or see them only on visits and days out. They may live miles away or face other challenges in their ability to spend time with them. How much they get to see their children may vary over time. Since most men's journey into Fatherhood coincides with a baby's birth and can happen in a romantic relationship with a woman, some of the information presented may be more relevant if you take this 'typical' route to Fatherhood. Nevertheless, the needs of all Dads are important. All types of Dads can play a vital role in influencing their child's development and ensuring they have a great start in life.
“Fatherhood is the greatest thing that could ever happen. You can’t explain it until it happens- it is like telling someone what water feels like before they’ve ever swam in it.”
Final Note to Fathers
Whomever you are, and whatever you do in life, the most important thing to remember is that you matter hugely to your children, and you can be immensely influential in their lives. What you do and do not do will enormously impact how they learn and develop – how well they do in school, their behavior, how they feel about themselves, their attitude toward risk, and the relationships they form with others. You name it; you are a big part of who they will become. Do not forget that this is an excellent opportunity for you to leave a positive mark on the world.
References
Davies, J., Green., A., Madden, D., Burns, J., Burchett, N., and Clark Elford, R. (2021). Becoming a dad: a guide for new fathers. Mental Health Foundation. twww.fatherhoodinstitute.org/2021/becoming-dad
