Communication for Couples: Part One Connection
We all desire an ideal relationship. One full of happiness and intimacy. However, how many of us will devote time and effort when things get rough? Long-term partnerships involve patience and love, but most significantly, they necessitate open communication.
If you want to learn about the Gottman methods, please keep reading.
Dr. John Gottman has done much research on relationships. He has coined four communication patterns that predict whether a couple will stay together or break up: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. You can watch a great video on this here: https://youtu.be/1o30Ps-_8is.
Despite where you may think you land in one of these categories, do not fret! Disconnection over time happens to everyone. It is painful, and as a result, partners feel lonely, even when they are together. Remember, an ongoing dialogue results from a loving, healthy, and connected relationship. These types of couples check in with each other not only on the things that bother them but also to celebrate when their partner has done something they appreciate. Your relationship needs nurturing to survive. So, speak up. Start small. It will be uncomfortable to break the silence in your relationship, but the resulting emotional connection will be well worth it. It is never too late to turn things around, and if you are unsure how to initiate a more honest conversation with your partner, seek a couple's therapist to help. Think of this as a relationship checkup in the same way you have an annual checkup with your primary care doctor.
Nevertheless, how can you communicate better in a relationship? Specific techniques can help you select the appropriate words, time, and location to listen to and be heard by our partners. The following are some techniques used by Gottman therapists:
How to Connect with Your Partner in Your Relationship
Specific discussions may be challenging, and you want to ensure your spouse does not feel attacked.
Because communication is about developing a deeper connection, you may wish to:
Be mindful of your words - Instead of starting an argument with "You don't care," you can say, "I feel disconnected from you lately." This will allow your husband or wife to listen to you without feeling bad and focus on the real issue.
Think about non-verbal communication - We frequently overlook our body language and how we express our emotions but be assured that your spouse acknowledges everything. Therefore, before the significant discussion, attempt to relax and approach it from a quiet position. This may require additional steps, time, and practice, but it is possible.
Have a Stress-Reducing Conversation - Connecting daily through meaningful conversations will make it easier to talk about serious issues that might arise in the future. Saying "I completely understand your frustration" can mean much to the other person.
How to Help Your Partner Connect in Your Relationship
If your spouse wants better communication in a relationship but is trying to figure out how to initiate contact, you may need to assist.
Consider the following ideas from Dr. Gottman:
Your spouse may require more encouragement to recognize that you are on the same side. Therefore, include physical touch and reassuring words of praise to ease their transition.
All emotions are welcomed, so exercise tolerance and refrain from passing judgment on your partner's silence or strong emotions. This will encourage them to open up more, ultimately making the process smoother, and you can find joy again.
Offer an exciting way to connect and communicate with Rituals of Connection & Opportunity Card Decks.
References
The Gottman Institute. (2023). The Gottman Relationship Checkup. https://www.gottman.com/professionals/gottman-relationship-checkup/
Gottman Connect. (2022). How to Communicate Better in a Relationship. https://info.gottmanconnect.com/blog/how-to-communicate-better-in-a-relationship
