Self-Care for Introverts
The Introvert secretly hopes the other person does not give up.
They are people who require comfort and those who hide from it. In our previous blog, we discussed how extroverts are expressive, telling the world about their distress with words and actions. An extrovert's pain comes out as anger or "misbehavior" to connect with others while hurting. Introverts are quite the opposite.
Introverts hide their feelings and avoid interaction. At the first sign of pain, they go into their inner world. A withdrawal instinct makes them feel momentarily safe, creating an impenetrable wall yet unknowingly shutting out any potential comfort. An introvert in distress aims to minimize further vulnerability, avoiding other people's attention.
We highly recommend Marti Laney's book The Introvert Advantage if you haven't read it. Laney describes how introverts have a fantastic ability to look like things don't bother them. They are deep feelers and strong reactors, but their protective emotional withdrawal often makes them look calmer than they really are. They have a survival mechanism that gives them a great poker face!
Now, let's not judge an introvert's urge to pull back and isolate since this is how they gain strength and energy, by spending time alone. To feel centered, introverts need contemplation. However, if we push them to interact and explore their feelings before they've finished their inner work, they will feel intruded upon. Introverts need to keep out others until they can recognize what is happening internally to be able to talk about it. They are not trying to make others feel rejected or invalidated when they try to comfort them. Instead, to soothe an introvert, one simply needs to wait.
Patience is a key component when trying to comfort an introvert. "Suffering introverts may find it very hard to interact amid pain because their inner processing is taking up all their attention" (Gibson, 2021, pg. 136). Therefore, "the introvert is secretly hoping the other person does not give up" waiting for them. They have difficulty interacting when hurting but do not want to be left alone entirely. Yes, they have their own timetable, which can be challenging to predict. Therefore, if you feel you are amid your beloved introvert starting to isolate, all they need to know is that you've noticed they're hurting. Later they will tell you what was wrong, but that won't be the most healing part for them. The best part will know that you were worried for them. Your concern for their inner world is their runway back into the world.
There are many ways to practice self-care as an introvert, and the following are some suggestions explicitly tailored for Moms or any introverted parent!
Binge Watch TV
Sometimes vegging out in front of the TV is the best way to recharge. That's just a fact of life. Find a good show or movie, grab a snack, wear comfy clothes, and relax. Don't think about any stressors in life or pain. Just be yourself and enjoy the downtime.
Go for a Drive
Take a Nap
Cuddle with a Pet
Take Yourself Out to Lunch
Practice Setting Boundaries
Setting boundaries can be very complicated and uncomfortable. As an act of self-care, plan or practice how you will set boundaries for yourself. Boundaries help with self-preservation; in essence, you teach others how you want to be treated. Without boundaries, relationships suffer, and so does our mental health.
Have a Pajama Day
Go Shopping Alone
Talk to a Fellow Introvert
Stretch
Bake Something Delicious
Turn Your Phone Off
Take a Self-Care Shower
Showering can be essential for mental health and not just personal hygiene. It helps because you can separate yourself from others. You get some alone time from the physical connection of life with no texts, emails, phone calls, or family, even your kiddos! You can even take it further by having a spa day at home.
Resources
Gibson, L.C. (2021). Self-Care for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: Honor Your Emotions, Nurture Your Self, and Live with Confidence. New Harbinger Publications.
